I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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