i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
