i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
