I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
