They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
