I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
