I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
