Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
