Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
