there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
