It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
