He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
