P.S. I can't hear my feet
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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