We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
