I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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