I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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