Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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