He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
