I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
