she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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