ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
