Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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