I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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