drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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