Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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