It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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