just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
