i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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