I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
