You really coming over, don't trick.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
