so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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