The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
