I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
