in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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