Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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