weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
