Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The power of my boobs compel you
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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