i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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