I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
