hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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