Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
