I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
sarcasm needs its own font
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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