kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
