goodnight i made you a song goodbye
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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