Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
