No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
