if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
