His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
