How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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