Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
