I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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