I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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