and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
