are you still at the devil's house?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
