he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
